d100 - What's In The Dungeon Vending Machine?
Occasionally in the Prismatic Wasteland discord we make an impromptu d100 list. It always gives me a smile. Here are the folks involved in this one: Pool Time With Swim Allen, d4 Caltrops, Patchwork Paladin, Rise Up Comus, Brackish Draught, Murkdice, d4hpmagicuser, Sparky Bee Special mention goes to Hodag, the OSR's hardest-working illustrator.
Thanks guys!
In the depths of the catacomb stands a strange machine: a heavy cabinet of metal, painted in bright colours. A light blinks above a small slot with a picture of a coin beside it. Each adventurer may spend a single coin, after which the slot closes for them. The machine says "ka-chunk" and dispenses an item as below. Damaging the machine causes the light to blink red, faster and faster, and then BANG! After 10 seconds, the machine explodes violently. d6 items remain.
d100 | item dispensed
01 - A voice growls, "Waddya want?" Dispenses as Wish
02 - Random cocktail
03 - Hot roast dinner with all the trimmings. Extremely fragrant: roll for Wandering Monster
04 - Holy Water dispensed noisily in a white paper cup
05 - Urine sample, still warm
06 - An egg, hatches into a thumb-height infant
07 - 10 ft long turkey sub
08 - Fishman's Friend Throat Lozenges
09 - RAT ON A STICK
10 - Six-Fingered Leather Gloves
11 - Vial of Red Ink
12 - Roll of Used Bandages
13 - Pitted Iron Piton
14 - Shiny Red Apple, home to a Chatty Worm
15 - Belt Pouch of Swiftly Melting Ice Cubes
16 - Sewing Kit (Needle, Thimble, Blue Thread)
17 - Quilted Sachets of Aconite
18 - Peanut Butter and Ochre Jelly Sandwich
19 - coupon for Dungeon Burger on lowest level
20 - Potion of Healing
21 - Coffee, delicious
22 - Coffee, burnt, scalding hot
23 - Iron ration (Construed meat byproduct bar)
24 - Plastic Hodag figurine, Halloween theme (collect them all)
25 - Baby green slime in glass orb
26 - Immediate 15% weight but not mass reduction for any one thing
27 - Small comb with a distinctive symbol. Members of the Thieves' Guild will pay 10gp for it.
28 - Deck of Many Things
29 - mystery box! Open it when you need it for a single mundane item!
30 - gold mystery box! Open when you need it for a one use magic item
31 - A single card from the Deck of Many Things. Collect all ??
32 - marked for death
33 - REFUND JACKPOT!! 5d100 gold coins (loud klaxon; roll for Wandering Monster)
34 - lit bonfire
35 - bag of pretzels
36 - 100 ft long firehose, shoots water at maximum volume for 10 minutes before retracting
37 - 1997 AD jukebox. Player puts on a single track of their choice for the table’s enjoyment
38 - A bag of teeth. Your set of milk teeth actually.
39 - a newly fabricated henchman (no memories, rather foolish, very loyal)
40 - 4' tall dwarven logistics automaton, with remote control (think MULE from Deep Rock Galactic or Chester from Don't Starve)
41 - An IOU for a refund in the next Vending Machine
42 - A bag of anachronistic Sunflower Seeds, hopelessly stuck in the mechanism
43 - A magic 8 ball.
44 - A really magic 8 ball. Accurately predicts the likelihood of a particular chance of an attempted action, stating bizarrely "1-in-6 chance," "2-in-6 chance," etc.
45 - A small pumpkin
46 - Plastic Hodag figurine, dressed as a costumed adventurer (collect them all!)
47 - BuzzBall
48 - Bottle Imp
49 - A tapestry of a flying chariot, with the words "Veritas exstat"
50 - Dungeon smut between glossy covers. May be used to bargain with dungeon inhabitants. 1-in-6 chance it enrages a puritanical bargainer (5-in-6 outside dungeon).
51 - the true name of a demon, written on a slip of paper
52 - a torch
53 - A tiny ghost. A sheet the size of a tissue with a spooky face drawn on it. It floats around behind you. When you surprise your enemies, it says "BOO!" and deals 1 hp of damage to your foes.
54 - A flask of oil
55 - A bottle labeled "Snake oil." When dripped onto the ground, it creates 1 mundane snake. 30 uses.
56 - A fancy dinner service. Worth 150gp if you catch the porcelain parts before they shatter on the floor. 10gp for the silverware otherwise.
57 - A letter from your mother. "Dear [adventurer], Why don't you visit anymore? You're always on that damn orb."
58 - A brass Ring of Water Purification (pour through, renders water drinkable. Turns gradually green, 2d12 uses)
59 - Magic cook book. Each recipe may be summoned once by casting read magic. Use a real cookbook for inspiration.
60 - Deed to Hotly Contested Skull Shaped Keep 5d6 Hexes Away.
61 - Bubble gum
62 - A goblin's panties
63 - soda can, preshaken to unconscionable pressure. Releases as a 10ft geyser when opened
64 - Rattling Container with a frustrating lid. If opened contains 14 strange blue beans emblazoned with strange runes, that if eaten, alleviate Head and Muscle Aches
65 - 2 fortune cookies. Each contains a map of the adjacent rooms, wherever they're opened
66 - Fiji mermaid, mummified
67 - A plastic figurine of an owlbear (+1 reaction rolls to owlbears)
68 - Prophylactic (made of pig stomach, reusable)
69 - A key (works on any door with a keyhole, usable once)
70 - An illustration of a really cute dog, signed with a paw print
71 - A really bouncy ball; maintains full force after each bounce. Easily lost.
72 - An 11' long scroll titled The Hagiography of St. Wrex Pusaè (cursed)
73 - 7 pieces of chalk, (colored ROYGBIV)
74 - plastic figurine of Hodag, costumed as a randomly determined Pokémon (collect em all!)
75 - A yellow rose. Forgiveness is guaranteed when gifted to one you have trespassed against
76 - Buzzer blares. Dispenses matching athletic cotton uniforms for the entire party
77 - ~2000ish loose ball bearings
78 - 5 metres of invisible tooth floss in a small container
79 - a big doobie
80 - a dig boobie (a large footed bird that can tunnel through soil as fast as a man can walk if fed sardines)
81 - FLASH! An illustrative imp quickly captures a scroll with the likeness of the party, staring into the vending machine.
82 - two fresh oranges
83 - A coil of hemp rope, 50'
84 - Tiny Cork Stoppered bottle of viscous red liquid with an illustration of a Dragon breathing fire on the label (Hot Sauce and not a Potion of Fire Breathing)
85 - A birthday cake with 100 lit candles. Blowing candles out magically makes it your birthday. Your new age is the amount of candles you blow out.
86 - A tangled mess of silk rope, 50’. Takes a turn to untangle
87 - a teacup turkey
88 - Flea Circus in a small snuff tin, a bit rusty, but eager to perform.
89 - The coin you put into the vending machine is returned to you, stamped with the face of the lord of the dungeon instead of the normal monarch. The newly-weighted coin always lands tails up.
90 - Mood ring
91 - Moon ring, which displays the current phase of the moon (worth 50 silver)
92 - Doom ring, which vibrates faster the closer you are to an infernal creature
93 - Thimble of Elemental Evil (magic, but no discernable function outside of protecting fingertips whilst sewing)
94 - 3 cans of spray paint
95 - can of Holy Mist. Spritz to restore to perfect cleanliness. d6 uses
96 - A clear glass locket containing a small volume of teardrops (96 to be exact)
97 - Rare Hodag! Long, brightly-colored hair that stands straight up. Contains a diamond worth 1000gp in his belly button.
98 - Candy bar. Really a mimic.
99 - toy alchemy jug, gives a thimbleful of wine, beer, olive oil, whisky, water, or mayonnaise
100 - Another, smaller vending machine